Thursday, March 19, 2009


Pretty pose
Originally uploaded by yanajenn
I am missing you so much right now and you aren't even gone yet. But you are clearly unhappy and tired and feeling crappy, even if you aren't in much pain yet. And I want to keep you from any possible pain.

The rational part of me knows that this is the best decision. The other part of me is wailing and screaming and doesn't want you to leave.

You have helped me get through a divorce, numerous moves and job changes, and grad school. And let's not forget the last 8 months, which included realizing that I wasn't going to finish grad school on my planned schedule and having to register for classes again, a long-term relationship dissolution, an unwanted move to a smaller home with no backyard for you to roam in safely, a job interview that did not go well, being diagnosed with severe depression and having to decide whether to be hospitalized or not, dealing with assorted cruelties and thoughtlessness, finding out that my Dad has cancer, and dropping back out of school and taking up a full time job so that I could focus on finishing my incomplete classes and finally graduate. And now you are dying.

You were the one that lied down next to me when I was upset and crying, you were the one that perched on top of my hip while I was laying on my side in bed, reading. You were the one to cuddle with me under the covers. You were always there when I got home, sitting up on the bookcase or couch-back, happy to see me and looking at me expectantly for a caress and a head-butt.

Misha knows that something is wrong. He's been jumping up on the table (which is your realm) and wanting more attention than usual. I know he was a jerk when he pushed you off my lap or chased you around the house and bullied you into a corner. I remember coming home once to a miniature crime scene under my sewing machine, with blood splattered up the wall. But I know he will miss you too. And not just because he won't have someone to push around.

I have always been so sorry that your previous owners mutilated your tiny feet by declawing you. And then they didn't bother to declaw Misha. I promise that when I bring another cat into our home, I will never, ever declaw them, barring health reasons. It will be much more of a balanced household if all of my cats have full defensive systems. And I think that Misha could stand a little bullying himself. It might bring his ego down a notch.

I can't say that our home is going to be quieter without you, since Misha will more than make up for it with his loud, grouchy old-man yowling. But I will miss hearing your sweet little chirps and trills. My beautiful sweet gentle baby. My Missy Girl.

I love you. I will miss you. Thank you for being in my life. Goodbye.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Morning sabotage

Inspired by E's post, I decided to note down my own current morning routine for posterity.

3:30am Wake up for no good reason. Check my jaw to see if I've been clenching my teeth in my sleep again. Think angry thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of and struggle to fall back asleep.

5:00am Startled out of sleep by the awful toilet-plunger noise (hurka, hurka) the cats make. Check to see that they are not throwing up on the bed, fling them off if they are, mentally note location(s) of noise so I can avoid stepping into cat barf in the morning. Fall back asleep.

Wonder why I've woken up this early, even though I haven't set the alarm, I am exhausted, and I have a flexible schedule that allows me to show up to work whenever I want. Feed the cats if they are threatening to throw up on my head. Crawl back into bed for another half-hour of rest. Dozing turns into a deep sleep.

9:00am Wake up, look at the clock, sigh, and realize that I really should get up and do something productive, like finishing up my incomplete courses or going to work and earning money to pay rent and buy cat food. Pee, feed cats (if I haven't already), shower, dress, minimal grooming. Heat water for French press coffee. Check email.

[Alternate 9:15am Meet up with Adam at Kopi for mutual study-support. Buy breakfast/coffee. Work on incomplete courses until noon. Go catch bus to work. Rejoice that I have been productive before I have arrived at work.]

9:30am Realize I've been on the computer for so long that the coffee-water is now cold. Reheat water, make coffee, take meds, make breakfast, pack a lunch if I remember to and/or I'm in the mood. Eat/drink while doing more internet poking.

10:15am/10:30am/10:45am Depending on how much teh intarwebs have sucked me back in, realize that I have missed the bus by just 1 minute and will need to catch the next one.

11am-ish Get to work. Pound head against desk because I really should get here earlier, but balancing out productivity with a proper amount of sleep seems to be escaping me lately. Promise self to go to bed tonight directly after The Colbert Report and only read for 30 minutes before turning off the light and attempting sleep.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


I voted!

VOTED! on TwitPic

Friday, August 15, 2008

Ego boost

Well, damn. I am apparently way too modest about many of my abilities...

You Are Sexually Powerful

Your attitude toward sex is healthy, safe, and sane.

You enjoy sex as much as (or possibly even more than) the average person.

You're open minded, intelligent, and adventurous when exploring your sexuality.

And while you never take things too far, you take them far enough!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Horribly Awesome

Best pie chart ever.

song chart memes
more song chart memes

If you have no idea what the graph is referring to, then you need to view Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I was lucky enough to see it when it was free, but now you'll either have to 1) find a pirated copy, 2) buy it from iTunes, or 3) wait for it to come out on DVD. I think you'll be pleased whatever route you choose.