A wise librarian once told me there are two types of patrons: those who use the library to look at naked people and those who try to censor naked people in libraries.The world makes so much more sense now.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
I'm in a cooking mood this weekend, so I decided it was time to make my favorite cookie bar in the world: seven-layer bars. Well, mine are actually six-layer bars because I don't like butterscotch chips. I got everything ready and opened a can of sweetened condensed milk. It was tan. Okay, it's been a while since I made these, but to my recollection, sweetened condensed milk is more of an off white color. I looked for an expiration date on the can, smelled it, tentatively tasted it, and decided in the end that I didn't trust it. So I opened another can. Same. Thing.
So, now I've got two opened cans of goo. What to do? Well, two cans of sweetened goodness must make the bars twice as good, right?
At this moment, I am eating my cookie "bars" with a fork. I may need to switch to a spoon. They are still pretty tasty, but I'm going to stick them in the fridge and see if that will help them transform into a more solid state.
Whoops! I had to run and rescue my lunch from the oven; I totally forgot about it. Luckily, the onion rings and veggie burger are fine. I think that the universe is telling me that I need to go work on my paper instead of fiddling with food. Here's hoping that the Char Siu pork I have marinating in the fridge doesn't crawl away or mutate into something inedible.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Oh. My. God.
The Daily Show has a segment on right now about a guy running for sheriff in Platteville, Wisconsin, where I lived for one and half horrible years. Apparently, he changed his name to "Andy Griffith" to get more votes. And his motto? "Vote for me, you hicks." Looks like the lead content in the water is just as high as ever.
Things I have realized and/or re-remembered this week:
Fat women aren't allowed to have access to nice, technical outerwear (I used to sell the stuff, so I know what to look for). And wearing a men's size instead simply means that if the jacket is large enough to go around my hips, the arms will be hanging down to the floor. Apparently, I don't need to have decent protection from the elements because my extra layers of fat will do the trick.
Dreaming long, complicated scenarios involving fighting enemies, while not actually having any dream weapons or dream ammo is really, really exhausting, especially when you aren't getting enough sleep in the first place. But whaling on virtual enemies in the real game God of War is really, really fun. Gratuitous violence has its place.
Googling for a link to God of War and finding out that a sequel is due out in less than two months is really, really bad for my future productivity.
Salsa classes are never going to be scheduled at convenient times ever again. My exercise resolution is getting harder to keep.
Having two classes that don't start until 3 pm is really going to fuck up my biorhythms. So is having my one other class start at 9 am. On a Friday.
I am one of those annoying helpful people. Or annoyed helpful people, take your pick. I get impatient when I see people floundering with technology and have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands in order to keep from jumping up and fixing things. I failed in today's class. But I did fix the problem, even if I might have came off as a putz to the rest of the class. Oops.
Buying groceries only once a month may save time, but the heart attack at the register isn't worth it.
Even if you have fed her a goodly portion of raw beef while prepping dinner, Missy Cat will still want more of your meal. Do not give in because cat hurking will ensue. You really should know this by now.
Rice expands in the stomach. Do not eat more rice just because you are still feeling nibbly because then you will be bloated and able to do nothing else for the rest of the evening but lay on the couch along with the cats. And write blog entries.
If I'm cold, it is probably because I'm still at home when the thermostat is normally scheduled to turn the heat down automatically. See "fucking up my biorhythms" above.
When I'm home during the day, I get to see incredibly amusing commercials for pregnancy tests. The best line?: "Without a doubt, it is the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on." I am not kidding.
Is anyone else bothered by the Wendy's commercial where two guys are eating two differently-sized $2.99 meals IN THE LIBRARY?! Just me? Okay.
And finally, to the girl in the grocery store tonight, talking on her cell while leaning her hand basket against the chips, thereby crushing them: Don't do that.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
So I just took a break from paper writing to look at my physical mail, which Misha Cat was keeping warm for me by sleeping on it. I got the usual slew of bills and such, plus the One Spirit catalog. I actually enjoy looking through it, at least until I get to the angel books ("...channel both the analytical energy of Gold guardian angels and the intuitive wisdom of their Silver counterparts...") and my eyes get sore from rolling back into my head. But then I saw a book that made my day.
The Clitoral Truth: the secret world at your fingertips
Isn't that a great title? And the book even contains "suppressed" information about the clitoris. Damn the government! What will they hide from us next? According to one of the Amazon reviewers, readers of the book need to be careful because reading it "could easily lead some to homosexual experimenting or converting." Well, I just think he needs more practice then. Hee.
Ok, enough of that. I didn't need another thing to keep me from finishing this paper. Back to writing.
PS. As I was finishing this post, The Sensual Woman by Herbaliser just came up on my iTunes playlist. No, I'm not kidding. I love synchronicity!