Wednesday, January 17, 2007

In a mood

Things I have realized and/or re-remembered this week:

Fat women aren't allowed to have access to nice, technical outerwear (I used to sell the stuff, so I know what to look for). And wearing a men's size instead simply means that if the jacket is large enough to go around my hips, the arms will be hanging down to the floor. Apparently, I don't need to have decent protection from the elements because my extra layers of fat will do the trick.

Dreaming long, complicated scenarios involving fighting enemies, while not actually having any dream weapons or dream ammo is really, really exhausting, especially when you aren't getting enough sleep in the first place. But whaling on virtual enemies in the real game God of War is really, really fun. Gratuitous violence has its place.

Googling for a link to God of War and finding out that a sequel is due out in less than two months is really, really bad for my future productivity.

Salsa classes are never going to be scheduled at convenient times ever again. My exercise resolution is getting harder to keep.

Having two classes that don't start until 3 pm is really going to fuck up my biorhythms. So is having my one other class start at 9 am. On a Friday.

I am one of those annoying helpful people. Or annoyed helpful people, take your pick. I get impatient when I see people floundering with technology and have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands in order to keep from jumping up and fixing things. I failed in today's class. But I did fix the problem, even if I might have came off as a putz to the rest of the class. Oops.

Buying groceries only once a month may save time, but the heart attack at the register isn't worth it.

Even if you have fed her a goodly portion of raw beef while prepping dinner, Missy Cat will still want more of your meal. Do not give in because cat hurking will ensue. You really should know this by now.

Rice expands in the stomach. Do not eat more rice just because you are still feeling nibbly because then you will be bloated and able to do nothing else for the rest of the evening but lay on the couch along with the cats. And write blog entries.

If I'm cold, it is probably because I'm still at home when the thermostat is normally scheduled to turn the heat down automatically. See "fucking up my biorhythms" above.

When I'm home during the day, I get to see incredibly amusing commercials for pregnancy tests. The best line?: "Without a doubt, it is the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on." I am not kidding.

Is anyone else bothered by the Wendy's commercial where two guys are eating two differently-sized $2.99 meals IN THE LIBRARY?! Just me? Okay.

And finally, to the girl in the grocery store tonight, talking on her cell while leaning her hand basket against the chips, thereby crushing them: Don't do that.

4 comments:

Mark said...

Hehehe, that is freakin' hilarious. Every once in a while there is a commercial that makes me miss TV. But then I wake up and remember that it is only funny once, twice at best.

But seriously, they could make a fortune if they marketed those things to guys. The manly guys would love 'em cause they like to pee on things, and the nerdy guys would love 'em cause they are technology AND they get to act like manly guys by peeing on things.

triumphantly, jenny said...

Even worse: fat/big breasted women clearly don't want sports bras.

Jenn/Yana said...

I know! I swear, society wants us to lose weight and exercise but not be able to do it wearing proper clothing. We're only allowed to wear velour track suits and go floppity floppity whenever we move at more than a walk. Bastards.

Jenn/Yana said...

I really wonder what the user studies were like on the pregnancy test design.

"Score your experience below:
1. Ability to pee on stick without getting it all over your hands
2. Ability to pee on stick while hands are shaking from nervousness over results."