Patrons.....

Signs we really need to put up in the library:

Do not ring, play with, or touch bell unless you need help.
Really.
We mean it.

Yes, this is a bell. There is no need to pick it up and see how it works. It's a bell. No, there aren't any wires, it is a simple vibrational mechanism that...
Yes, it is really neat that it even rings while it is upside down.
Now put it back on the counter and step away.

Cell phones are not allowed in the library. Hiding under the table while talking on one only means that I'll need to catch my breath after laughing my ass off before I tell you to take it out into the lobby. Again.

More signs to come, I'm sure