Stupid butter tricks

Knowing my prediliction for getting food on myself (usually courtesy of what I call the "boob shelf") and since I had a date this afternoon, I decided to eat breakfast wearing a t-shirt instead of the nice shirt I had picked out to wear on said date. Somehow, I managed to butter the side of my hand, and then proceeded to smack my palm against my dark brown jeans. Nope, didn't get anything on the t-shirt.

That's it. I'm eating in the nude from now on. Lukewarm foods only, please.